False Indignation

False Indignation

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like people are more combative than ever these days.  Perhaps I am wrong, as I have no evidence, but have you ever noticed that when you try to take corrective action with someone, they attack you in order to misdirect the conversation and escape the responsibility.

I recently asked some people to tone it down when they were being loud outside my bedroom window where we were trying to sleep.  They promptly told me loudly and disrespectfully about everything that I do wrong, and why I am a terrible person.

Another time I caught some employees stealing, so I chewed them out and turned them in.  The next day I was in HR being told that the language I used when I caught the thieves red handed was inappropriate.

I admit it, I am not a perfect person and perhaps I am not everyone’s cup of tea, but can’t we address the issue I brought up before we talk about my shortcomings?

But that wasn’t their point was it, they may or may not have a problem with me, but here and now they are just looking for anything to change the conversation, much like today’s politicians saying “you think I am bad, well look what the other guy did”.

In all these cases, we must learn to redirect the conversation back to the original behavior.  Most often the Business Owner is confronted with this boomerang with employee issues, but it can happen in a meeting, with customers, vendors, or just life in general.

Employees now have, or think they have, a new superpower to control you and/or your company.  Often called the “racism card” but it can take many forms and be called many things, I like to call it False Indignation.  But it is all about casting more dispersion on you that tries to make you look worse than their offense(s).

You and I know that we as employers are not perfect, neither is the employee, and the fact that you own the company, or are “the boss” should be enough legally to say they have to go, and I get to stay.  Unfortunately, we do not live in that world anymore.  An employee has lots of recourse and the ability to make your life miserable and even harm your reputation, for that matter customers have power as well.

Therefore, it is IMPERATIVE that we do not let these issues escalate to the point of blow-back.  We must deescalate not only the employee’s emotions, but our own as well, and then redirect the conversation back to the original “sin”.

How do we accomplish that?

First, never deal with employees “collectively”, this sets up dangerous precedents, and has great potential to get out of control very quickly.

Second, do not let the conversation veer from the topic at hand.  What I like to say, and I say it sincerely is something like this; “I am sorry you feel that way, and after we have come to some resolution on topic #1 then I would be happy to address my shortcomings (or, your issue) with you.  This should temporarily diffuse the situation and allow you to address the employee’s behavior.

Third, and I know this is hard, try to be empathetic.  It goes against every bone in your body because they are the perpetrator, but use words like; is their something going on that I need to know, are you having a problem with ???, how can I help you fix this issue, etc.

Forth, talk about responsibility, and how the company counts on them to do this thing correctly.  Get them to take responsibility, if not for past/present behavior, at the very least for future behavior.

Fifth, provide positive reinforcement by reminding them of all the things they do very well.  Create this positive note before ending the meeting so that employee returns to work knowing that they may need to improve something, but that they are not a complete failure, they are valued, and that you are not a complete %$&#.

The point of these steps is to avoid hostile confrontation, as no one will benefit from that and it will usually create further hostilities down the road.

It’s okay to be tough, but be fair and be honest, and remember that you are NOT trying to win this battle or “show whose boss”, you are trying to FIX a problem.

And if/when that day comes that you have to let them go, it should be no surprise to them.  In their mind they know that you gave them a chance, and they failed to live up to the expectations and that this is probably not the place for them.

You let them leave with goodwill in your heart, wishing them the best and sorry that it didn’t work out for them or you.

When we hire other people, it is tempting to think we are in charge and it’s my way or the highway.  Sometimes it is easy to bully people without even realizing it.  You may have indignation that is righteous, which is only slightly better than false indignation.

But if we reverse the equation by taking a servant’s attitude, knowing it is our job to serve our employees as much as our customers then we will bear more fruit from our labor… and maybe save ourselves a lawsuit or two!

Skip Williams

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