Ego

Ego

At first glance when you read the word ego you immediately think about those with and those without an ego, and how obnoxious thing egotistical people can be. However, by definition, Ego is the part of the psyche responsible for our sense of self and our ability to interact with the outside world. In short, we all have an ego. What we usually hold in distain are those with an over-inflated sense of self (overinflated ego). Let’s be honest here, we’ve all encountered this person at some point, some more than others. But what we want address here is the over-inflated sense of self as it applies to Management, Leadership, and that person in the office who you have the most difficulty working with… and perhaps how to deal with them accordingly.

Let me state for the record that I am no psychologist and don’t pretend to be one but having worked with the public specifically in a small business environment, workplace or whatever, I’ve encountered my share of ego-maniacal people. Having an ego can certainly be productive, much like a sense of humor but having an inflated ego most always will cause conflict, ill-will, disgruntled employees and dubious friends. This applies most frequently when a person is a department head, manager or even worse, a C-level officer. Let’s face it, an inflated ego in a friend gives you a simple choice; choose to or NOT to keep them in your circle of acquaintance. But as a boss, supervisor, or officer of the company you work for is a little trickier.

I’ve always been one who wants to get to know the people I work with and work for. Most often it starts with idle conversation and develops into a more personal dialog but keeping boundaries must always prevail. I want to know what drives someone; what makes them tick, so to speak. In a working environment you get to know day to day how a person acts and reacts, what you can talk about and what you shouldn’t say. If I know what someone is looking for in an employee or colleague, it is always a plus. This tends to give you a baseline for how a person behaves and how they set goals for themselves, their direct reports and, of course, you.

Inevitably, a person driven by their ego is easier to detect than one might suspect. The consistency of positive behavior is always a good sign of a person you would like to lead and/or teach and/or supervise you. But when that behavior is inconsistent or worse, erratic, then you have a challenge especially if you report directly to them. Back to an earlier choice pattern, you can choose to or NOT to deal with them. Quit or NOT to quit… that is the question. I say don’t quit. Having been in this very situation in my career, I can tell you that if their behavior is so erratic and inconsistent or consistently erratic and their supervisor or who they report to does not recognize the problem… do you really want to work for them after all? Probably not, but I digress.

What is the behavior of an ego-driven supervisor? Changing directives in workflow processes, goals and expectations frequently or randomly is a bad sign. Typically, it is the behavior of a person who doesn’t want to be questioned, challenged, or shown not to be in control. Representing ideas that are not their own while taking credit for others work are also obvious signs. Communicating and messaging outside of company lines while never using email, memos and instant messaging during an average day is also a warning flag.  Having more private conversations rather than having a group Zoom or team meeting is an indication that this person prefers not to be reminded of what they’ve said or directed others to do.

You may or may not have seen the signs. If you have you may have just thought he/she was an a-hole and never gave it much thought but continued to deal with it day after day until you no longer want to, and maybe just quit. So, what is the alternative?  First, don’t take it personally. Egomaniacs may have an innate characteristic that’s not directed at you. Try to keep your own ego in check. Be compassionate as they may feel generally insecure. Set boundaries and maintain them. Avoid unnecessary contact when possible. When you do need to talk, keep interactions brief and essential. Ask questions rather than suggesting that they are wrong or that you disagree. A carefully placed question can help them discover their flaws on their own. This can lead to more dialogue and possible solutions. At very least, don’t try to fix them. Use humor whenever possible.  In brief, bend where you can but stick to your boundaries.

I am a firm believer that the person with whom you’ve identified has an inflated sense of ego is struggling with something that isn’t you. It is typical to see an ego driven person making rash or impetuous decisions and directives for some display of superiority. Whether they have been recently promoted or feel like they may get fired, the behavior tends to be the same – erratic. Having private conversations with others and “circling the wagons” as they say using off site conversations and messaging is a tell-tale sign of a troubled supervisor. It always turns to be a weakness in the form of a power-play. Being non-inclusive with others while discussing issues without you keeps them guarded from mutiny or perhaps a lynching. I’m exaggerating, of course. Use the tips I mentioned above and above all, don’t become confrontational. You’ll never make it better doing so.

In review, get outside of yourself and whenever possible listen, watch, observe and ask questions to learn.  We all seek recognition for our accomplishments, maybe not overtly but certainly over time and in some manner. An unknown author was quoted as saying, “If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.”   All of this must be underscored by remembering that we may all be subject to fail. No one is without sin, so to speak. Whatever you do, be the best at it. Don’t give someone reason to find fault in what you do. However, keep your ego in check.

Quit or don’t quit, but always do work that you are proud of, as satisfaction is best when it comes from within.

And finally, to quote myself a few moments ago, if their behavior is so erratic and inconsistent or consistently erratic and their supervisor or who they report to does not recognize the problem… do you really want to work for them after all?

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